Qualifications:
Marriage Status
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What about his marital status? Is
he “the husband of one wife”? Differing interpretations have been made
concerning this statement. Some have argued that (1) he must be a married man;
(2) he must have been married to only one wife; (3) he must have been married
only once; 4) he must not have several wives at once. But perhaps Paul is
meaning nothing more complicated than that he must be a man in a monogamous
relationship.
Not all men who have been called to be pastors have been married. There are many
younger men who are as yet unmarried when they enter a pastorate. However, this
situation does have its drawbacks. A pastor has to be very careful in relating
to single ladies in the church, or even to married ladies. And today we have the
added problem of the high-profile of homosexuality. That raises its own spectre
on the Christian scene. It is certainly advisable, and wise, that a prospective
pastor is a married man. Therefore, we can very easily argue that a pastor ought
to be a married man, whose wife is at one with him in the ministry, and who will
be able to be with him when he counsels other ladies. You see, even in this, he
must always be above reproach—“blameless”. A man who has been married but who
has lost his wife through death ought to be considered very carefully and with
much discernment. We have to be very practical in this area—especially in the
social climate we are in today.
Perhaps it is pertinent here to mention something concerning a prospective
pastor’s wife. She is not an unimportant consideration. She surely must be
considered, as much as the man himself. It is said that a wife makes or breaks a
man. That is certainly true of a pastor. If his wife is at one with him in, and
supportive of, his ministry, that man will have a great deal to offer. If his
wife is only half-hearted, does not accept that her husband has been called to
pastor, and perhaps even seeks her own separate career, then his work will be
detrimentally affected. There is no doubt about it. So while investigating a man
for the ministry of a church, it is important to consider his wife. Obviously,
her relationship with him is a fundamental consideration. We should be asking
what spiritual gifts she has. Are they used to support her husband and his
ministry? Is she, in her own right, involved in the life of their church, using
gifts the Lord has given to her? If not, then be very careful.
Let us now jump forward to verse 11. There is some dispute over who this verse
applies to—deacons’ wives; the wives of elders and deacons; or simply women in
general. Without getting involved in that discussion, it seems to be the natural
reading that it would apply to the wives of deacons—and then, by extrapolation,
why should it not include the wives of elders? Paul says here that they must be
“reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things”. The behaviour and
spiritual standing of a wife is an important consideration in the calling of a
pastor.
Please do not misunderstand me. I am not advocating the position of pastor’s
wife (whatever that is). She is not to be expected to take leadership of women’s
meetings, and to do things that other women are already doing very well in the
church. But she needs to be a support to her husband, to his ministry, and to
the church of which she will be a member. She needs to be using her gifts in
church life, as much as any other member. So, the question is, is she hoping, as
well as willing, to do so?
Do we have a Biblical example? For an illustration of a man who has given
evidence of having been true to his wife, and that she was a support to him in
his ministry for the Lord, we might consider Aquila. The statement describing
him demonstrates the degree of harmony between him and his wife, in their
concern for souls. “When Aquila and Priscilla heard [Apollos], they took him
aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately” Acts 18:26.
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